Displaced - A Hijabi's Journey to Happiness
A monologue
April 11, 2010
My name is Farheen.
They call me Happiness.
My name is Farheen.
And they call me Happiness.
But what is happiness really?
An illusion or a reality?
A journey or a destination?
Happiness? Hmmm let’s see….
Happiness, the ability to attain all that I planed to achieve
We all have plans. Don’t we?
But life doesn’t always work that way – does it?
Some times when you least expect it, life turns a corner and suddenly you’re displaced.
Standing on the side of a dark street corner
with only one light flickering in the distance.
Where do I go now? What happened to my path?
My story…. Where do I begin? Let’s see….
It was just another beautiful sunny morning…
The sun shining, my hijab blowing in the wind as I drive down the street rocking to the words of Puff Daddy and Faith Evans:
“Life ain't always what it seem to be (uh-uh)….
Words can't express what you mean to me
Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray - I'll be missing you”
Walking down the street and into the elevator,
excited to see my auntie once again.
Learning to knit a new found passion within…
What would I knit what would I create today?
Not once did I look behind me or notice the man who entered the elevator and then suddenly I was “displaced”.
They say.. a single incident can change the course of a life so drastically.
Yes, this is correct… this was me… my life….
Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
Was it my hijab,
or the fact that I was a woman?
Was it his insecurities
or my innocence that lead to being “displaced”?
Would I ever be able to enter an elevator again?
Would the thoughts of being touched in many places ever go away?
So many questions and very little answers.
So many feelings,
so many thoughts racing through my mind,
but so little escaping from my mouth
So many things to say
But no voice to say them
So many emotions to express, but no strength to release them…
And suddenly I’m standing alone…
a room full of people and lots noise,
but yet I remain silent and alone.
Entering into the door of blame, guilt and shame….
I became invisible to the world. Or so I thought
A world which I had to carefully carved a place for my own in.
But now, the last thing I could think of was about were my dreams.
My dreams?
My Shattered dreams….
Shattered dreams that would never again be pieced together….
A lonely soul, that lost everything…
food, family, security, safety and ultimately myself!
Who am I ?
Who is Farheen?
What is Happiness?
I thought I knew the answers, but no longer was this the case.
I was “Displaced”….
”Displaced”
Who is Farheen?
What is Happiness, really?
Looking into a mirror did I really see myself? Or someone else?
Who was this girl? So silent, so insecure,
Wearing a mask of makeup to play the part… of the strong woman
The strong woman that I once was, but felt like no more.
The shallow and hollow body, of a woman…
A woman trying so hard to “fit in”… and be “normal”
But was this possible?
Was it really and truly possible?
There were days where I would think – “How will I face myself again?”
Will I find my way back onto the path that has been swept away by the wind
or do I simply wait and continue to drop further and further in my own eyes – until I hit rock bottom?
Rock bottom – a place that I never thought I would reach.
But a place that I certainly met
An unpleasant encounter with the ugly side of life.
Where you have two choices,
Only 2 choices…
To climb back up
or to become a part of the forever with no return….
With no return to yourself,
to your loved ones and to the almighty.
Was I prepared for this?
Was I ready to find my place in the forever on my own?
Did I know what this meant?
Do I know the consequences of my actions?
Am I prepared to give up and surrender?
Or will I fight and continue to struggle in finding who I am…
Happiness? Perhaps….but it comes with a price….
Am I ready? Am I ready?
And then one night –
my heart started to flow with tears of blood and cries of pain, which were unheard by the crowd around
And I prayed,
oh I prayed!
God – if you’re listening, I need your help.
I need your help!
You brought me here, no take me out
Help me find a way!
Help me find a way!
And then one day… soon after,
the light at the end of the tunnel started to emerge from within the darkness of my life.
The light, that I was looking for,
came from many different places and people.
Like angels from the divine,
I would meet and step one step at a time,
from the encounters of so many
So many angels….
Life became a slow, painful but rewarding journey.
Emerging from the depths of despair….
A journey towards finding a new normal… for me… Farheen….
Finding my true self and what I called “Happiness” once again.
Why not just simply return to the “normal life” from before?
But life as it was … is no longer the same.
It too is displaced.
Then what next?
A wise person once said; give what you have received when you feel true gratitude
What did I gain?
What did I gain from all of this?
Am I happy?
How can I express my gratitude to the almighty?
Now especially …especially now….
having found my true purpose in life.
Having found the patience to endure pain and the ability to change lives.
For the better
For the better of myself,
my family,
the community
and ultimately the world.
For the activism,
for the compassion
and for the ability to be myself and to stand for what I believe in.
As a woman,
As a muslim hijabi woman
As Farheen and as Happiness
As a survivor and a voice for the voiceless.
Today… I realize that
Life is Full Challenges,
but it’s how we deal with these challenges that make us who we are.
A successful person gets cues from the heavens, but continues to walk the earth
Today, I am walking in a new direction,
on a new path
with a promise of a new tomorrow.
A tomorrow where I serve people, humanity and ultimately the divine,
but being myself and by using the gifts that I have gained.
I am Farheen
I am happiness
I am Happy
I am finally Happy.
Thank You!
Thank You God for the journey
For the suffering
For the patience
For the learnings
And for ultimately helping me find the true purpose of my life.
Happiness.
Thank You!
They call me Happiness.
My name is Farheen.
And they call me Happiness.
But what is happiness really?
An illusion or a reality?
A journey or a destination?
Happiness? Hmmm let’s see….
Happiness, the ability to attain all that I planed to achieve
We all have plans. Don’t we?
- Plans of making a life for ourselves.
- Of making a life for others
- Of sharing Kodak moments with loved ones
- Of remembering to who we return and what we leave behind…..
But life doesn’t always work that way – does it?
Some times when you least expect it, life turns a corner and suddenly you’re displaced.
Standing on the side of a dark street corner
with only one light flickering in the distance.
Where do I go now? What happened to my path?
My story…. Where do I begin? Let’s see….
It was just another beautiful sunny morning…
The sun shining, my hijab blowing in the wind as I drive down the street rocking to the words of Puff Daddy and Faith Evans:
“Life ain't always what it seem to be (uh-uh)….
Words can't express what you mean to me
Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray - I'll be missing you”
Walking down the street and into the elevator,
excited to see my auntie once again.
Learning to knit a new found passion within…
What would I knit what would I create today?
Not once did I look behind me or notice the man who entered the elevator and then suddenly I was “displaced”.
They say.. a single incident can change the course of a life so drastically.
Yes, this is correct… this was me… my life….
Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
Was it my hijab,
or the fact that I was a woman?
Was it his insecurities
or my innocence that lead to being “displaced”?
Would I ever be able to enter an elevator again?
Would the thoughts of being touched in many places ever go away?
So many questions and very little answers.
So many feelings,
so many thoughts racing through my mind,
but so little escaping from my mouth
So many things to say
But no voice to say them
So many emotions to express, but no strength to release them…
And suddenly I’m standing alone…
a room full of people and lots noise,
but yet I remain silent and alone.
Entering into the door of blame, guilt and shame….
I became invisible to the world. Or so I thought
A world which I had to carefully carved a place for my own in.
But now, the last thing I could think of was about were my dreams.
My dreams?
My Shattered dreams….
Shattered dreams that would never again be pieced together….
A lonely soul, that lost everything…
food, family, security, safety and ultimately myself!
Who am I ?
Who is Farheen?
What is Happiness?
I thought I knew the answers, but no longer was this the case.
I was “Displaced”….
”Displaced”
Who is Farheen?
What is Happiness, really?
Looking into a mirror did I really see myself? Or someone else?
Who was this girl? So silent, so insecure,
Wearing a mask of makeup to play the part… of the strong woman
The strong woman that I once was, but felt like no more.
The shallow and hollow body, of a woman…
A woman trying so hard to “fit in”… and be “normal”
But was this possible?
Was it really and truly possible?
There were days where I would think – “How will I face myself again?”
Will I find my way back onto the path that has been swept away by the wind
or do I simply wait and continue to drop further and further in my own eyes – until I hit rock bottom?
Rock bottom – a place that I never thought I would reach.
But a place that I certainly met
An unpleasant encounter with the ugly side of life.
Where you have two choices,
Only 2 choices…
To climb back up
or to become a part of the forever with no return….
With no return to yourself,
to your loved ones and to the almighty.
Was I prepared for this?
Was I ready to find my place in the forever on my own?
Did I know what this meant?
Do I know the consequences of my actions?
Am I prepared to give up and surrender?
Or will I fight and continue to struggle in finding who I am…
Happiness? Perhaps….but it comes with a price….
Am I ready? Am I ready?
And then one night –
my heart started to flow with tears of blood and cries of pain, which were unheard by the crowd around
And I prayed,
oh I prayed!
God – if you’re listening, I need your help.
I need your help!
You brought me here, no take me out
Help me find a way!
Help me find a way!
And then one day… soon after,
the light at the end of the tunnel started to emerge from within the darkness of my life.
The light, that I was looking for,
came from many different places and people.
Like angels from the divine,
I would meet and step one step at a time,
from the encounters of so many
So many angels….
Life became a slow, painful but rewarding journey.
Emerging from the depths of despair….
A journey towards finding a new normal… for me… Farheen….
Finding my true self and what I called “Happiness” once again.
Why not just simply return to the “normal life” from before?
But life as it was … is no longer the same.
It too is displaced.
Then what next?
A wise person once said; give what you have received when you feel true gratitude
What did I gain?
What did I gain from all of this?
Am I happy?
How can I express my gratitude to the almighty?
Now especially …especially now….
having found my true purpose in life.
Having found the patience to endure pain and the ability to change lives.
For the better
For the better of myself,
my family,
the community
and ultimately the world.
For the activism,
for the compassion
and for the ability to be myself and to stand for what I believe in.
As a woman,
As a muslim hijabi woman
As Farheen and as Happiness
As a survivor and a voice for the voiceless.
Today… I realize that
Life is Full Challenges,
but it’s how we deal with these challenges that make us who we are.
A successful person gets cues from the heavens, but continues to walk the earth
Today, I am walking in a new direction,
on a new path
with a promise of a new tomorrow.
A tomorrow where I serve people, humanity and ultimately the divine,
but being myself and by using the gifts that I have gained.
I am Farheen
I am happiness
I am Happy
I am finally Happy.
Thank You!
Thank You God for the journey
For the suffering
For the patience
For the learnings
And for ultimately helping me find the true purpose of my life.
Happiness.
Thank You!
